The Inner Thoughts of Finn Hudson
by lostinthelights
Summary: She was on stage, the same look of hurt and betrayal crossing her features as she watched him hold Quinn close, close to the heart he knew she didn't own.


He couldn't believe it. He couldn't fucking believe it. He had heard from some person that Jesse St. Jackass was back. He was back in town and he had asked Rachel to prom. But no, that didn't surprise him the most. What surprised him the most was the fact that she said yes. She said yes to the jackass who pounded on her head with heads. The jackass who broke her heart. He stormed around the hallways looking for her when finally, he caught a glimpse of her brown hair at the corner of the hallway as he sped up to her.

"So, I heard a nasty rumor that Jesse St. James is back in town and I also heard that he's going to be your date." Her date. The one who gets to tie that pretty corsage around her wrist and tell her how beautiful she looks and dance with her on prom night. Their prom night. To say he was mad was an understatement. He was furious. He wasn't going to let the jackass have another blow to her heart.

"No, he's joining Mercedes and Sam and I on our 'Prom on a Budget.' He's going to be in town for a while and I'm not sure what's going to come of it." Rachel said in a soft, weak voice that was so _un-Rachel_. No. That wasn't a good enough. Did he forget the part where he led her to the parking lot and pelted her with eggs, or was that just him?

"I just- I don't trust him. Don't you remember what he did to you? How awful he was?" Jesse St. James was beyond awful. He knew that he was going to break her heart, and sure enough, when he watched Rachel stand in the middle of the McKinley High parking lot covered with eggs, it had been smashed just like the egg that Jesse planted on her forehead. He stopped as Rachel turned around and stopped him in his tracks with an uncertain expression.

"You can't tell me what to do anymore okay? If I wanna date Jesse or _anyone_ for that matter, it stopped being your business when you broke up with me."

"I still care about you." He did. He truly, sincerely did and he didn't want a repeat of last year. Where Jesse got her then left her heartbroken. She had been depressed and Jesse had taken out the fighting spirit out of her. He had spent hours in his bed trying to forget the way Rachel looked when Jesse broke up with her. The hurt, the sadness, the everything. He had taken the light from her eyes. She blinked, unsure of what to say after his confession, before taking a deep breath.

"Look, all I ask is that whoever I choose, that you be as supportive as me as I've been of you and Quinn even though... I'm_ dying_ everyday inside about it." Suddenly, Finn felt like he was bitch-slapped by reality when he got a look of Rachel's expression. It was hurt and heartbroken. It looked almost the same as she did when Jesse broke up with her, if not even more. She looked like she was about to breakdown in the middle of the hallway and his heart clenched at the sight of her gorgeous brown eyes radiating with hurt and unshed tears.

"You know, I don't even want to go to this stupid prom anymore. Quinn's got me handing out pens with our names on them, where's the dignity? And I hate renting those tuxes, and the corsage. I know I'm going to pick the wrong one and Quinn's gonna be pissed all off and her Mom's gonna look at me like..."

"Hey." He was startled as he heard her locker slam close and looked down to see Rachel with a reassuring smile on her face.

"Just get her something simple. A wrist corsage. Girls like Quinn, y-you don't want to do anything that's going to distract from their face so... ask for gardenia. With a light green ribbon wrapped around it to match her eyes. Okay?" Once again, Rachel had solved one of his problems with Quinn. Quinn, his girlfriend, the girl who hated her with a passion. She was still willing to help past all the name calling and insults. Why was Rachel such an amazing person like that? He couldn't even get past one day without hurting Rachel unintentionally, but she put on a strong face for everyone. He knew that Quinn and him were touchy-feely with each other and stuff, but it never seemed to bother Rachel. But the moment before she walked away, he saw her resolve, her poker face, crack. He could see the tears building up in her eyes and the way she looked like she was going to cry before walking away with defeated stance, shoulders slumped. He felt like such a douchebag. She used to walk these halls with pride, head held up high and she walked like no one was going to stop her. He hated the fact that maybe, what he's been doing turned her into this. This small, vulnerable girl. And of course, like the douchebag he was, he didn't do anything to fix it.

He just let her walk away.

* * *

Finn entered Breadstix with Quinn on his arm, looking beautiful. He couldn't deny it, Quinn was beautiful. The most beautiful girl he'd ever seen...

Until he caught a glimpse of Rachel.

Sure Quinn was pretty, but Rachel was a whole other level of beautiful. She wore a light pink dress that stopped just below her knees and it was all poofy and stuff. Her hair was pulled back in a simple ponytail, letting a few wisps of her hair and her bangs out. She was only wearing a small amount of make-up, and she simply looked amazing. He knew she would. He couldn't help but feel a little bit of anger rise in him as they walked towards their table and saw Rachel laughing with Jesse, her hand casually placed on his shoulder as she continued to talk animatedly with Mercedes and Sam.

"Hey Jesse, what you order? Scrambled eggs? I mean, I know you do usually like them served on people's heads." He looked up and saw Rachel, a sad expression on her face as Jesse talked to Quinn. For some reason, he couldn't take his eyes of her. She drifted her eyes down to her lap, where she started fiddling with her corsage. It was pink (what other color would Rachel Berry wear?) with a white ribbon around it. He watched as her eyes drifted back to lock on to his, no words spoken between them. As Mercedes intervened and before he knew it, Quinn was dragging him to another table.

"So, this is what we're going to do once we enter prom... Finn, no, you are not ordering spaghetti. What if you get a stain on your tux?" Finn grumbled as he ordered grilled chicken instead as Quinn continued to ramble about prom. Before he knew it, he had finished his chicken and Quinn was dragging him to his beat up pickup truck outside the restaurant. The trip to McKinley was silent on his part. Quinn continued to ramble about being Prom King and Queen and how it was going to help them get back on top. When they entered prom, it was already jumping. He could see Puck, Sam and Artie on stage as they sang that stupid song 'Friday.' One week they're insulting it 'cuz of the dumb thirteen year-old and obviously everyone knew that Thursday was before Friday and now everyone's dancing to it. He was unconsciously looking for Rachel until he heard a few notes of the piano play and her voice come on to the speakers but before he could turn to the stage, Quinn had dragged him to the dance floor. She wrapped her arms around his neck and that's when he saw her.

She was on stage, the same look of hurt and betrayal crossing her features as she watched him hold Quinn close, close to the heart he knew she didn't own.

_It took so long just to feel alright_  
_Remember how to put back the light in my eyes_  
_I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed_  
_'Cause you broke all your promises_  
_And now you're back_  
_You don't get to get me back_

He kept his eyes on Rachel during majority of the song, watching as her eyes also trailed his. He was thankful that Quinn kept her eyes closed as he looked at Rachel, only looking down when he felt Quinn shift on his chest and look up at him. The lyrics started to hit him. He did break all his promises to her. The promise that he would never hurt her, that he would never break up with her. They gazed at each other as she sang, and he felt his heart clench at the mere thought that he will never get her back. Never feeling her lips on his, to feel her wrapped his arms, or simply just to take a moment to breathe her all in. Her eyes, her soft, plump lips and her hands that were so small that when he held them he swallowed them up. He felt Quinn look up at him and he looked down, snapping out of his thoughts.

"I'm so happy to be here with you. It's what I've always wanted." Finn couldn't bring himself to respond back. This is not what he always wanted. Rachel's heartbroken face still filled his thoughts and he knew what he wanted. Suddenly, loud, upbeat music was playing and allowed himself to smile as Quinn started to dance around him. He turned to his left and spotted Jesse and Rachel dancing as well and couldn't help but feel jealous. She looked so happy, dancing the only way Rachel could. He watched as St. Jackass' hands trailed her body as they did a little grind before Rachel started laughing and collapsed into his arms. What came next made him snap. He saw her giggle and jump in shock, revealing Jesse's lips on her neck.

His lips were on her neck.

Her pretty, gorgeous neck that (only) he was granted access to before they broke up.

He didn't know what came over him, but he started to walk towards Jesse and Rachel.

"Hey. Hey. Hey!" He tore Jesse away from Rachel as she shrunk back.

"Dude, keep it PG."

"Dude, it's not YB. Your business." Finn just wanted to punch off that arrogant smirk of his face as he turned to Rachel as if she expected him to laugh and tell him that it was a good comeback.

"Well, this is my school so it's my business..."

"This isn't your girlfriend so _beat it_, MJ." Jesse moved and rested a hand on Rachel's waist as Finn pushed him back. _No one_ was laying a hand on her. Especially someone like Jesse St. James.

"Don't push me." He said in a low voice as he shoved Finn back. Soon, a full on shoving match had commenced. He heard the faint calls of Quinn and something about him ruining everything but he couldn't hear her over the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. He just couldn't let the jackass get away with all this. First he steals Rachel from him, then he breaks her heart and a year later he thinks he can come back and ask Rachel to prom, their prom? Then he shows up here and dances with her and thinks he can just start kissing her neck?

_No_. Just fucking _no_.

He tries to swing a punch at the douche but he ducks and _fuck_, the dude has lightning fast reflexes 'cuz he ducked and he swore that he just heard Rachel gasp and before he knew it, Sue had held them apart.

"Prom is over for you Sugar Ape and you too Marvelous Marvett! You're_ out_, let's go!"

"You're kicking me out?" She couldn't do that. She couldn't just kick him out at his junior prom. He felt seething glares from Jesse as he glared back, mumbling words of cursing and violence under his breath until finally, Sue pushed them out the gym doors.

"And don't even try to sneak back in or I'm going to have a bunch of Neo-Nazis from the southeast part of Oregon beat your ass!" Sue slammed the gym doors shut. Finn rubbed his face with his hands, letting the cool night air help him cool down. He looked up and saw that Jesse was nowhere to be found, remembering that he had walked away to his car the moment Sue had pushed him out of the gym. He couldn't believe that he was just kicked out of prom. He was nominated for Prom King and Quinn was going to be totally pissed...

Quinn.

_Fuck_! How the hell would she react to the fact that he just pushed his ex-girlfriend's date off her? What was his reason going to be, because he was jealous? Yeah, that conversation was obviously not going to go over well. Rachel was probably pissed at him too. He just went jealous ex-boyfriend on her prom night and probably ruined her night. He could stand having Quinn mad at him for a week or two, but not Rachel. Even if Rachel wasn't his girlfriend, she was still a huge part of his life and he would not be able to stand her mad at him. He probably should talk to her once she got back from prom. He glanced down at his watch. It was ten, so that meant that prom would probably be over in an hour or so. He let out a deep breath as he started walking to his car.

Finn pulled out of the McKinley High parking lot, reaching over and turning on the radio a few times. Finally, he stopped at his favorite station only to have a familiar song come on.

Jesse is a friend, I know he's been a good friend of mine.  
But lately something's changed, it ain't hard to define  
Jesse's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine

Finn laughed at the irony of the song that came up. Jesse was definitely not a good friend. Not even a friend or even acquaintance. They were more like mortal enemies at this point. But one part that was somewhat true. Jesse had a girl, but not just any girl.

_The_ girl.

The girl of his dreams. He would never admit this to anyone (especially Quinn,) but Rachel was still the star of his dreams. Just not his normal dreams, but his dreams-that-only-he-should-know-about dreams. He knew it was somewhat wrong to be dreaming of having sex (in a million different ways, outfits and positions) when he was dating someone that wasn't her, but he couldn't control his subconscious. He couldn't remember the last time that he had actually dreamed of Quinn. Well, he had dreamed of her, but it was more like a nightmare. He was sleeping in his room when suddenly, he woke up and found Quinn by his bedroom door, holding a baby. He remembered Quinn telling him that he had to hold his daughter while she peed and he really didn't know what was going on. He then looked up and saw a giant poster for a Broadway show and Rachel was on it. Quinn then barged into his room and telling him that he had to get to his job to at the local gas station then suddenly Quinn started growing like, eight legs and stuff.

To date, it was the scariest nightmare he had. It wasn't the mutation that scare him, but the thought of being tied down to Lima while Rachel was out there fulfilling her dream was something he couldn't do. He promised himself, a long time ago, that he would follow Rachel wherever she went. He knew she was destined for New York and all the bright lights it held there, and he promised himself that one day he was going to be sitting in the front row of her first Broadway show, watching her sing.

But now, the dream had grown blurry. Quinn had waltzed back into his life and he heard all the plans that she had for them. The job at Burt's tire shop, the real estate, the kids, the marriage. He knew he was stupid, but he just wished that Quinn would have a little more faith in him, that he could make it out of this town.

He couldn't believe how his life from the start of the year had changed. He went from dating Rachel and having huge goals and dreams of getting out of this cow town and not being a Lima Loser to dating Quinn and having his future mapped out for him here in Lima. He went from the Glee club loser who was dating probably the most amazing girl in school to being a Lima loser being kicked out of his own junior prom. He shook his head as a thought raced through his mind.

Where had he gone wrong?

* * *

**Hey guys! I'm not too happy with the ending, but I hope you guys liked it!**

**CertifiedGleek**


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